A Weekend in Hell. 2013 Dances With Dirt 50 Miler in Hell, MI. A Race Recap.

At some point during the race my mind begins to question my actions. It happens at every Ultra, I question why I am out here suffering. What is the point? Why couldn’t I stay at home and eat food while watching TV? Well, this last weekend I finally came up with a good answer. I am out here killing myself, because this is life. Life is not easy. It’s not always about being satisfied and happy. Suffering is a huge part of it. Whether you deal with pain or hardships throughout your childhood, as a young adult, or in later life, you will undoubtedly come across them at some point in your life. By experiencing the loss of a loved one or even in your own deterioration of health, suffering is a part of life. And so at one time or another you will suffer an agonizing pain and you will wonder why life can be so cruel. I have acknowledged this fact and applied these fundamentals toward my life now. By putting myself through the pain of running 50 miles I can gain experience of what it’s like to struggle and push forward. There are many examples and stories that runner’s could relate to about preserving. And also many people can probably relate other sports/adventures as a microcosm to how they experience life and apply it toward their lives. The distinction I am making is that by facing my fears of losing a safety net and pushing through, I am experiencing life. I’m shedding my security blanket and running straight into the unknown. I learn to adapt and rely on my inner strength to push through.

I guess what I really enjoy is the feeling of knowing I am lost, hurt, and broken. Not because I am a sadist, but because it allows me to relate my life to those who are poor and suffering on a daily basis. It is humbling and centering knowing that anyone can slip into a rough position. Feeling like you are at rock bottom is quite an eye-opener. It’s similar to a bad hangover feeling or the torment felt after the loss of a loved one. Your body and mind just don’t feel like going on. In a way, it’s making you live in the moment. You may hate it, but you can’t deny that you are feeling emotions and living in the now. And feeling alive and in the moment is what I live for. Appreciating every single moment in our lives is impossible. But I try to enjoy as much as I can. This might be the reason why I have mood swings and my close friends and family can probably attest to this. Life has its ups and downs. In my short life I’ve experienced many high highs and as well as many low lows. I’m generally a happy person. But what I’ve noticed lately is a lethargic feeling that grips me after days of inactivity. To remedy this, I have found a healthy balance between school, exercise, and spending time with family/friends as the best solution for me.

These epiphanies struck me during the race and it was likely due to the wonderful support of my friends and family. I’ll get more into the race recap now and get on with the details. Driving to Hell in Michigan was my brother Marvin who was awesome not falling asleep and driving us safely to everywhere we needed to be. My other friend joining us was Mike and he was a great addition to our group. He is a friend I met through the Muddy Monk races and had bought an 8 person tent that we would be using at the campsite. And lastly there was my good friend Adam who joined us to help pace and crew. My brother Marvin and friend Adam were a tremendous help this last weekend. They dealt with my diva-esque behavior from the moment our trip started.

The drive to Hell wasn’t too bad and once we got to the packet pickup the atmosphere was pure Ultra. Mike and I recognized some people from the previous Dances with Dirt race and we said hi to them. We talked to Dawn, the Canadian Chick, and got some last minute details about the course. After we had all our swag we headed over to the campsite to set up our tent. After some brief bumbling and confusion we were able to set up the tent haphazardly on a gentle slope amidst some soft rain. We had dinner arrangements planned with Adam’s Aunt who was from the area. We were running late since setting up the tent took longer than expected. 

We finally got to the Dam Site Inn where Adam's aunt was waiting and ordered a few pizzas for some last minute carbs. Since we were in Hell, the problems began immediately. It took the waitress almost 45 minutes to let us know that the pizza wasn’t cooking right due to some problems with the oven. We re-ordered some food and waited another 20 minutes for it. I ordered a chicken salad but when it was brought out, it was just salad. I was too hungry to ask for the chicken and began eating. I was trying to get to bed at 10 but it was already 9:30 by the time were done eating. This bar/diner was the perfect picture of what you would expect hell to be like. The entire bar had an orange tint. The wooden bar and demons decorating the place added more to the atmosphere. Ironically, the waitress was actually very friendly and apologized for the delay. As we were finishing our meal the local band was practicing their instruments for another night in Hell. If you’ve ever seen the movie From Dusk till Dawn, the scene where they enter the “Titty Twister” paints a good description of what this place resembled. Luckily no vampires showed their fangs and we left as soon as we could.

Back at the campsite, I was thrilled the tent was still standing. We parked and got settled inside the tent to go to bed. We huddled over a course map and with our headlamps quickly went over the aid stations where my brother and Adam would crew for me. We also planned where they could pace me along the course. It started to rain more and just as we were settling in we started noticing some leaks in the tent. Adam managed to adjust the canopy to stop a leak in his corner. Then I placed a towel and propped a chair to stop another leak in my corner. And then later Marvin and Mike went outside to fix yet another leak, again in my corner. I was thankful they were there and taking care of it while I stayed in my sleeping bag trying to get some rest.

The morning came early for us (5 am) and I woke up Mike as I was getting ready. Once we were all prepped we got in the car and made the short 8 minute drive to the start area. It was still dark and the runners looked like coal miners with their headlamps on full charge. Mike and I got into position and I gave him some last minute tips since this would be his first 50 miler. I echoed the advice I had received from my friend Joe Brown at my first 50 miler. “Be prepared to spend all day out there. It’s going to be a long day in the woods. Enjoy it, and run your own race.” Mike acknowledged that and said he would be fine.  The countdown began and I let out a scream. The race was on and the start line disappeared behind us. The woods up ahead had my full attention.

The first 5-6 miles felt like ghost train ride. The mist and dark woods added to the enchantment. The swamps we passed looked spooky especially with our headlamps casting shadows along the way. I was keeping pace with Mike but he quickly dropped back and slowed down since the lead pack had carried us with their momentum. The last thing you want to do in a 50 mile race is start out too fast. I made that mistake at my last 50 miler. I was planning on coasting the first few miles and settling into a moderate pace to maintain throughout the race. I also barely felt my legs and that effortless feeling is always a good sign. I was running with a group and we snuck up on the first aid station and I completely avoided it. I had only taken a few sips from my handheld and would be fine for the next 5-6 miles.

The nice thing about Ultras is that most aid stations are usually spaced between 5-6 miles apart. This makes it easy to plan and finish these races. By only focusing on the next leg between aid stations, it breaks the race apart nicely and gives you a chance to assess what you need for the next leg. Feeling confident and with the daylight breaking through the tree line, I pushed on and kept pace with some of the faster runners. I was going through the up-hills conservatively and charging on the down-hills. I raced with my strengths and planned my racing strategy around my talents. Suddenly, after crossing a dirt road, another runner and I saw a pack of runners coming at us. My first thought was that we had reached the first turn-around and they were the ones in the lead. But then they started telling us not to go that way. We followed them and soon enough there was a group of about 20 runners standing in the middle of that dirt road we had crossed earlier. We noticed an arrow marked in the dirt but it didn’t look at all like an official course marking. Some prepared runners began looking at a map they had with them and after a few minutes decided to make a right turn. They led the way and the rest of us “map-less sheep” followed them on. We continued along the dirt road and had to make another unmarked turn down another dirt road. Finally after about more than a mile we finally saw a course marking. I was surprised how bad the course was marked but thankful to be with such a large group when I got to that point. Had I been solo, I likely would have gotten lost like many others that actually did, as I would later find out.

I didn’t realize the next aid station would be where Adam would be joining me to pace for a few miles. It was a welcome surprise and seeing him and my brother so early in the race gave me a nice boost. I was happy to have Adam join me as I felt good knowing he would finally get to see me in action doing the sport we both love. We had both run various road races together, but this would be our first trail run together. We both had been following the Ultra circuit closely this past year with rapt attention. We both got really into the sport and even had our favorite Ultra Runners that we followed regularly via social media. But throughout all our shared excitement, we had yet to run a single trail together. It was a great first run because I was running hard but maintaining control. It was a perfect initiation for Adam to see how I manage the trails. After the first few scrambles, even without looking back I could tell Adam had a smile on his face. This part of the course had some very vertical hills and required getting on all fours to climb. The weather at this point was staying cool and the cloudy skies would stay there for most of the day. The rain would hold off except for a light sprinkle not lasting more than a few minutes. I was feeling good until about 5 miles after Adam had joined me. I had told Adam that I was feeling very hungry and thought the rumbling from my stomach was just hunger pangs. How I wished it was just hunger. I began to eat more sport beans thinking I needed food but I soon realized it was actually gas. I felt the need to belch but it wouldn’t come out. Then I noticed when I would speed up, like on the down-hills, the feeling would get worse. I started thinking it could be exercise-induced heart burn, which I dealt with before in other races. But this was different. I instantly thought the lousy dinner I had the night before might be to blame. But it also could have been the new flavored BeKind bar that had blueberries in it that I had eaten in the morning. Either way I knew the next few hours would be tough.

Adam helped by talking to me and keeping my mind off the pain coming from my stomach. I was feeling bloated but it was only really noticeable whenever I would run fast. I decided I needed to vomit and purge my system. We reached the next aid station (mile 19) and I tried hard to puke. No success and worse yet, I couldn’t eat anything. I took half of an avocado with me in the hopes my stomach would settle and I could get some calories in me. I took some Tums from the aid station and waved goodbye to Marvin and Adam who would be staying behind. The next leg was possible the most technical with thick brush and lots of fell trees to get around. Not to mention this was the famous stream crossing section of the race. I was so wrapped up in dealing with my stomach pain that when the first stream appeared in front of me I didn’t miss a beat and was splashing through it before I knew it. There was a runner in front of me being cautious and wading through the water while I showed no hesitation and passed him quickly. I started feeling worse as I trotted along. I kept trying to eat but every time I put something in my mouth it was tasteless and I began to gag. I tried hard letting my saliva break down some of the gel and ingest it that way, but it wasn’t working. I started to panic a little. I was calculating that if I couldn’t eat I would bonk very hard. So I decided to drink as much calories as I could. After the last stream crossing that was waist deep, I made it to the banks of Hell. This aid station was literally behind the Damn Site Inn I had eaten the night before. The town of Hell was showing me no mercy. That was, until an angel appeared. I stumbled into the aid station and grabbed my first drop bag. I decided to just change out of my soaked socks and push on. Meanwhile this “angel” (volunteer) kept offering her help. I asked for her to refill my hand held and she did it quickly. Then she asked if I wanted food or pop. I wasn’t thinking too clearly but when I heard mention of pop I asked for Mountain Dew. She quickly handed me a cup full of the Dew. Then as soon as I was done changing socks she offered to take my drop bag and place it in the dead zone (Dead zone is the spot to leave your bag after you use it so it can be returned to the start to retrieve once you finish). This volunteer was so helpful and I really appreciated the kindness she showed me.

After that small glimmer of hope in Hell I ran on toward Silver Lake. The next leg was slightly better as I could sort of drink fluids, but still no food. I had tossed the avocado away since carrying it around seemed useless. I again tried to nibble on some sport beans but it was unsuccessful. I kept burping and trying to throw up along the run. I eventually made it to Silver Lake aid station (mile 25) and again was relieved to see my crew there. Marvin was all dressed up in his running clothes and ready to pace me. This was unexpected as I was under the impression he would be joining me later at the 50K mark. It was great that he was there though because I was really suffering and his company was much appreciated. I don’t remember much of the crowd at the aid station except for the main guy that kept trying to offer me something. I told him I couldn’t eat anything and he told me to try to get something in me. I asked Marvin to grab me a cookie and I planned on trying to stomach that later on. We were out of that aid station and back on the trails. Marvin, although he had good intentions, was asking way too many questions. I tried to answer him but my mind was focused on the trails and my problematic stomach. I did mention to him that I needed to throw up and he could tell from my attitude that I was struggling. We did have some good running and my momentum would come in waves. I would feel good for a few minutes and run fast and drink. Then when the stomach turned I would slow down and focus on breathing. This pattern continued all the way to the next aid station at the start/finish area. The course routed the 50 milers to run alongside the 50K course and then pass right by the finish and continue into the woods. It was cruel passing right by the finish area, but I suppose that sort of torment is expected in Hell.

It wasn't all bad. At least the aid station at the 50K point was away far from the crowds and their celebrating could not be heard. I did manage to catch my time as I crossed the clock and saw my time was 5:22. That would have been almost 40 minutes faster than any other 50K I’ve ever done. I would later find out that the course was short on the 50K loop and that would explain my incredible time. However, at the time it was a confidence boost knowing I felt like crap and was still able to run fast. Also, another morale boost was when Adam told me I was still in the running for a spot in the top ten. This gave me encouragement and I pushed on. Marvin stayed back with Adam and I’d see them next at the farm (mile 39). I was feeling slightly better but still not good enough to run at a 100%. It was frustrating because my legs still felt great but my stomach was holding me back. I was realizing that because I was running slower, by the time my stomach got better my legs would probably be tired and I’d again finish another 50 miler with a slower time. I understand that anything can happen on a long race like this. So I reluctantly put aside my hopes of a PR and focused more on just finishing this race. I had toyed with the idea of dropping down to a 50K and calling it a day. But then the thought of seeing Mike at the finish and him having done the 50 miler and me only the 50K didn’t sit well with me. I couldn’t bear the thought of quitting unless something really drastic happened. So I pushed on.

The next leg was less than 3 miles. So that meant those 3 miles would be tough. The way this course was broken down was that the shorter the distance, the harder the trail. I was feeling tired and noticed the lack of nutrition must be affecting me. Then as I was trying to let out another burp, something magical happened. I looked at the ground and saw what looked like a cheetah headband. I was confused and as I bent over for a closer look I noticed they were a pair of soiled panties. Now it could have been my disgust from seeing soiled underwear on the course, or the fact that I was bent over, but either way in induced the glorious vomit I had been waiting for. Orange fountains expelled from my mouth. It was wonderful feeling my stomach purge and getting rid of whatever was bothering my gut. I hung on to a tree and let out the rest of the orange spew. I wiped my eyes and smiled. Finally, after about 4 hours of stomach problems I was back on track.

I was feeling much better and after a runner passed me he asked how I was doing. I told him I puked and he was happy for me but reminded me to drink plenty of fluids. I did exactly that. The next few miles were tough. It was knee deep muck and I took my time traversing it. It wasn’t too long before I reached the next aid station and it was like a buffet for me. I could cookies, chips, pretzels, and pop without any problems. The volunteer was happy for me but reminded me not to overdo it. I took his advice and hit the trails. I had been keeping pace with another runner named Jim and we both kept seeing each other. I had caught up to him and he too was glad I was feeling better. This is what I loved about this sport. The competition was there, but the camaraderie was more important. Helping each other and encouraging runners is what holds this sport together. I was feeling a hundred times better and couldn’t wait to see my crew and tell them the good news.

The next leg was long. It was almost 6 miles, but what made it seem longer was that one of the volunteers at the last aid station had told me it was only 3 miles to the next aid station. This is where doing good research comes in handy. When you’re told something false, it really gets annoying. It also makes you reluctant to believe any of the following volunteers. But fortunately I was in a much better mood and enjoyed the next 6 miles. I came across a runner who walking and he told me he was done. He was in pain and said he was going to drop out. I told him to just keep moving and put one leg in front of the other. He thanked me and kept walking. I hope my positive energy helped him in some way. As I moved further along I noticed I was really getting my speed back and began charging on the down-hills again. I got to a road that ran along a cornfield and had a thought that running through the cornfield would be fun. Sure enough, a few minutes later the course was taking us through the corn fields. It reminded me of the muddy mess I ran through while pacing a friend at the Burning River 100. This time the cornfield wasn’t a mucky soup like it had been in Ohio and running through the corn stalks was pleasantly exciting. Like a kid running and playing on a farm, I was having a blast. Perhaps the sun coming out at this time had something to do with my uplifted spirit too. The fun ended and the course took me back onto the roads.

The next road led to the farm and the next aid station. I was feeling good and happily told Marvin and Adam I had thrown up. I noticed Adam wasn’t telling me I was still in the top ten but I was okay with that. I was happy enough with a cooperating stomach. I was eating everything I could and happy to have Marvin joining me again. He got into position behind me and I apologized for being a grouch earlier. He said not to worry and that it was expected. He also said not to worry about him and to keep focused on finishing the race. I appreciated that and felt another surge and pushed on. The next leg was a short loop around the farm. That meant it was a short difficult leg. This was probably the most wooded section of the race as there was a tree to climb over every 30 seconds. I snapped numerous branches between my heavy footfalls catching them between my shins. The cuts I would notice at the end of the race were definitely made here. Marvin was quieter on this leg of the race but I actually didn’t notice it until later. He mentioned to me toward the end of this leg that he would stay back and not run the next leg. He mentioned he felt a twinge of a reoccurring IT band issue. I told him it was smart to take it easy and not push himself too hard. He acknowledged this race was hard and the rough terrain was getting to him. We got back to the farm and Adam had a wet towel ready for me. I wiped my face and neck to stay cool. The sun was poking in and out of the clouds and some sections of the course had sand that really reflected the heat. I was surprised how much sand was on the course. In fact, earlier one of the local runners mentioned that during the summer, these sandy patches can be brutal. I refilled my hand held, took another loot of gels, and got going. I told Adam and Marvin I was feeling good and I’d see them at the finish line. I was at mile 43 and only had 7 more to go.

The next 7 miles would have been smooth except for one thing. My legs began to rebel. The dreaded cramps began to emerge and I tried my hardest to contain them. I had recently been reading some research by Dr. Joe Uhan about cramps and the prevention of them. It was interesting to note that by eating salty foods or pills, the effect of preventing cramps came from the taste instead of the actual sodium. The study claimed that sodium doesn’t enter the body quickly enough to reach the blood stream and prevent cramping. Rather, the brain senses that sodium is entering the body and the mind relaxes the muscles letting them know that salt is on the way. It is all very interesting research and demonstrates how powerful the mind is over the body. Cramping is still one of the biggest mysteries of our body. No science is accurate on describing it, but this research was an interesting read.

Back on the trails I tried my best to overcome my body’s self defense in the form of cramps. I told myself out loud that these cramps are just in my mind and that they will stop. It seemed to work a little bit. I would slow down a bit and then drink or eat something and get going again. By this part of the race many of the relay teams were passing me and there was a unique dichotomy between the runners. Most were familiar with the Ultra community and gave encouragement as they passed, while some others were oblivious and clearly roadies (Road racers). The roadies would pass without saying anything and in some cases almost pushing me aside. I was too tired to be irritated and just focused on keeping my body moving. I was letting things be the way they are. Then, suddenly, as I was relaxing into a comfortable stride some beautiful legs appeared in front of me and got me very excited. It was a girl dressed as a pussy cat and wow! Her costume was revealing! A sports bra and briefs were the perfect motivation to keep me moving. Just watching her tail (she was wearing a tail) wagging right in front of me made the next few hills a piece of cake. I was happy and hoping to have this motivation for a good while but as soon as it began it was over. I arrived at the last aid station and she swapped out for another runner on her relay team and I would not be seeing her again. As I was pondering these thoughts Adam and Marvin’s voice brought me back to the moment. I was surprised to see them here since I was expecting them to go on to the finish to wait for me. They had surprised me here, and it was very welcomed. Adam was cheering for me and already celebrating with a beer. He told me more cold ones were waiting for me at the finish. This got me excited too and I couldn’t wait to get the last 5 miles done.

I was off and ready to finish this race. I looked at my watch and noticed I had an hour and 15 minutes to finish 5 miles in less than 10 hours. My original goal was to finish between a 9 and 9:30, and my secondary goal was to finish in less than 10 hours. There was a good shot of making at least my second goal happen. I was happy when I realized this and started pushing myself to get it done. I began to cramp harder and was eating salt pills like candy. In fact, I was eating the last one so fast that I choked on it and spit it out. It was of no matter as one of the relay runners told me there was only a half mile to go to the finish. I had been hearing the music from the finish line for a good 5 minutes and knowing they were only another 5 minutes away got me moving faster. I looked at my watch again and I would have about 5 minutes to spare if I wanted to finish in less than 10 hours. I stepped on the gas and soon found my way into a clearing and the finish line was in sight. There was a big crowd and the cheers gave me that wonderful coveted feeling of being supported and admired. The feeling at this moment is special. To feel the encouragement from others that leads to a great accomplishment is quite a fantastic feeling. As I crossed the finish line I was elated but still conscious of the fact that it was a group effort. As the medal was placed around my neck I was happy I made my time goal of under 10 hours(with 3 minutes to spare) and the race was officially over for me. I walked with my brother to congratulate another runner who had just finished her first 50 miler. I told her she did awesome and that the course was tough for someone to do their first 50. She smiled and congratulated me too.

I would make my way over to the finish area and wait patiently for Mike to finish. I thanked my crew again and finally got some beer in me. It was fun watching the rest of the finishers coming in and cheering them on. Thoughts began to enter my mind. All the running, sweating, bleeding, and vomiting was over. As I sat on the ground and looked up at the sky I couldn’t feel anymore alive. The triumph of completing a task you set out to accomplish is the reward. But the journey to that finish was more than just that. It was the cement that connected me to my crew and the new friends I made along the way. Us being out here and living in nature transcends the mundane environment we encapsulate ourselves in our daily lives. The outdoors and the adventures we seek bring us back to our roots as a human animal. Our instincts, our strengths, and our weaknesses are all put out there. Getting the chance to spend a day connecting with yourself and those around you is truly a gift. A gift that even Hell can't keep away from you. With that in mind, will I ever stop running? Only when Hell freezes over, and then I’ll get some ski’s ready.

*Mike would eventually finish his first 50 miler and would be one of the last official finishers to get a medal. He crossed the finish line in 13 hours and 14 minutes.