Dream is Destiny

 

The lucid mind can be an alternate universe. That mystic place between sleep and awake is fleeting yet eternal. The places you’ll go and the things you’ll see in your dreams are as real as you make them. Dreams allow you to experience human flight, explore new planets, and breathe underwater. They can essentially make you a superhero. Those powers vanish the moment you stir awake from either an alarm clock ringing or a splash of sunlight spilling through a window. These morning alarms can jar those blissful dreams away. Waking up gradually on your own time is not only gentle, but a seldom treat with our busy schedules of everyday life.

 

I recently had a pleasant dream in which I was fortunate enough to wake from slowly and with a smile on my face. I was dreaming that I was running at a fast pace along a beautiful course. The dream itself was not overly dramatic; instead, what made it wonderful was the opening of my eyes and realizing I was going to pick up right where my dream left off. I was set to run in Blue Mound State Park in Wisconsin. It’s about 25 minutes west of Madison and is quite a gem to run if you want hills. The night before I was generally happy to have my friend Mike and brother Marvin stay the night with me to go on this little adventure in my neighboring state to the north. Mike was the one who invited me to this fun run known as the Frost Bitten Fat Ass 25K/50K. Mike didn’t know much about it except that it was going to be cold and cold is what Mike likes. I agreed since I was free that weekend and also wanted to see what the hills were like that had gotten more than a few mentions on the facebook event page. This was the third run there hosted by Jason Penticoff and had a good turnout of about 22 runners willing to pound the hills and take in the thrills.

I wasn’t sure if I was going to run the 50K since I wasn’t sure how tough the course was going to be. I decided I would do one lap of the 25K course and decide then if I had it in me to run the second lap. As I was running the first loop I kept looking at the scenery and thinking about how my thoughts might change looking at the same scene during a second loop. I guess this was mentally preparing me for a possible second loop. Coupled with those thoughts I had met Anthony, a runner from Chicago, and we had started running together at mile 5. Talking with him made the miles fly by. Anthony was set on running the 50K and so when we came to decision time at the end of the first 25K I didn’t hesitate to join him for the second loop. I was excited that we had finished the first loop in 2 hours and 14 minutes. I figured we could likely finish the last loop in 2.5 hours and finish this 50K in less than 5 hours. 

Running with Anthony and another runner on the first 25K

Dreams are dangerous. Following my premonition from the night before, I had forecast nothing but a great run. Unfortunately, the run took a bad turn at mile 22, right at the halfway point of the 25K loop. I got a strong cramp in my left calf and had to stop to stretch it out. Thankfully Anthony stuck with me and let me stretch so we could continue running together. He even offered one of his calf sleeves to help with the nagging cramp. I didn’t realize that I had set up the recipe for cramps in my calves by firstly not having trained on such big hills, but also deciding to do this run on brand new running shoes. I had broken in my Patagonia Everlongs with a short 5 miler before, but that was it. These shoes were very light and much more minimal than I am accustomed to. But knowing disaster on the run is familiar to me. So instead of making it a nightmare, I adjusted my pace and attitude to keep this run a good dream come true. 

It was easy to relax on the open roads of the course. There was silence that was magnified with the bright sun emerging from the clouds. The snow covered landscape added a stillness to complete the scene. I got into a manageable pace slower than Anthony so he would run ahead and I would keep him in my sights. After he disappeared behind a hill I felt even more isolated. Then as I crested the hill I saw him waiting up ahead also looking at the landscape lost in his own thoughts. I was happy he stuck with me till the end and also reminded me to look around and take in the views because this is what we were out here for.

Running the home stretch with Mike and finishing in 5:23

And so I learned that day if you never run away with your dreams, you’ll never make them come true. I could have been upset that I slowed down or that I cramped up on this run. Instead I was remarkably happy that I finished and that there were others there who had triumphed too in their own way. Everyone seemed in great spirits and the contagious energy embodied by this sport of running carried me jovially throughout the day. What will my next dream be? I couldn’t say, but I know I will always chase after it and try to run it down.

Run Love, Run

“What is love anyway? Does anybody love anybody anyway?” –Howard Jones

This is a bit late, but the sentiments of St. Valentine’s Day have finally caught up to me. I felt the need to discuss this since I’ve had it on my mind recently. I seem to fall victim to holidays in a belated way. This happened recently with the passing of Christmas. I got a strong urge (the Christmas Spirit you could say) to listen to Christmas music, drink hot chocolate with candy canes, and excited to wrap gifts, all during the week after Christmas. It wasn’t a bad thing, but I noticed that I was slightly out of sync with those around me. Or maybe it’s just the normal lingering feelings surrounding the holidays. Or perhaps it’s something more. It's almost as if I have this trait of suppressing my excitement until the big moment. I think it might have something to do with my way of thinking. I tend to wait until I know a certain event will happen or arrive before I let my emotions get rambunctious. This is partly due to my tough resolve and unusual patience that can endure a tremendous undertaking. Heck, it’s what gets me through these arduous races called Ultras. Running for two hours is a feat for many, but running for ten hours is unnatural. So why put myself through that? I guess you could say, love.

The emotion of love is a very subjective feeling. It can mean many different things to different people. And not that one interpretation is correct; they are all diverse and varied but still fit the need of each person. It is one feeling we can all relate to and I’m sure everyone’s explanation of it would more or less compliment each others. I’m not trying to tackle the entire range of this emotion, but simply expressing my understanding of it. So here it is. My interpretation is holistic. I feel that love is special in that it is not necessary to survive and function as a living being. However, I would not wish this loveless life on anyone for the experience of feeling love and being loved is one of the greatest facets of being alive. But I distinguish love from other emotions by recognizing its uniqueness. Love is unlike fear, anger, sadness, envy, excitement, hope or shame. It differs because it is a feeling that promotes connections that can expand over time and space. It is extraordinarily binding and fulfilling. Other emotions can bring people together but usually only situationally. Love can transcend continents, years, and even species. Love also permeates into other passions such as art, music, and sports. These adjoining passions can spring forth new emotions such joy, excitement, and wonder. And what other passion of mine encompasses many of these feelings? Hey, this is a running blog remember?

I love running and therefore, I run. But like most relationships, it’s complicated. I have a knack for always fitting in a run when I need it. I can do it anywhere without limitation to terrain, both distance and type. I can always find a road, trail, or park to run around in. I’m running madly in love with… running? But it’s more than just a dedicated passion for the physical movement of two limbs across the ground. In regards to what I mentioned about love transcending space and time, I really believe in this. Not because I feel that I am running through space and time (although this argument could easily be made) but instead I sense that love is a connecting force between not just humans but with the earth itself. I often find myself wandering around on a run and being able to come to a complete stop for a moment to simply pause and feel for something. I haven’t been able to pinpoint what that something is but I suppose I could call it love. Running through nature you can sense a presence that is amplified by the cadence of breathing and by the movement through it. I can gaze at the sky, a river, or an endless stretch of cornfield covered in ice and snow and I can feel the love. I know it may sound silly, but I’ve already grown accustomed to many bewildered looks and questions from people who can’t fathom the idea of running for fun. Although my explanation of love might give me more strange looks, I can live with that. So when I say I run because I love it, I also mean I run to feel love. Like I said before, it’s complicated. 

I know some runners can relate to these feelings but for those lost in translation, I guess to understand what I'm talking about you would have to "run a mile in my shoes." I have noticed that there are people who share this belief and I’m very happy to have found a voice which eloquently describes these thoughts. This individual I'm talking about isn't even a runner but she exudes a great philosophy that I identify with and keep with me on my runs. I’ll keep it simple and finish with her words which have inspired me to continue giving love to the world knowing it’s giving it right back.

 

“You might say that love and space and time depend upon one another for meaning, that they mutually illuminate one another." -Gretchen Legler

Cold Running

 Winter days are present with authority. The term “polar vortex” is as ubiquitous today as the word “millennium” was in the year 1999. The unusual warmer temperatures we have grown accustomed to for the past 20 years here in the mid-west have left us aghast with this recent cold snap of 2014. But it’s actually not that uncommon to have sub-zero temperatures, geologically speaking. According to ice cores dating back as far as 400,000 years ago, we are living in an unusually long interglacial period. Glacial periods (Ice ages) tend to dominate history as they can last from 70,000 to 90,000 years and the latter lasting between 10,000 to 30,000 years (We are currently 11,000 years into an interglacial period). That means for much of history our planet is normally under an ice age. These cold temperatures are more normal to our earth than most realize.

For a runner, it is simple to keep running through inclement weather by visiting a treadmill. This is really when this technology shines. While they are neglected during the warmer and fairer seasons of the years they tend to get swarmed and swathed in sweat during the colder seasons. The treadmill is the perfect solution for a runner wanting to get in their miles and not skip a workout. And if the runner wants to maintain the realistic conditions of running outdoors with variations in the terrain, they will adjust the elevation setting that's are usually right next to the speed setting. And the speed setting will undoubtedly be tinkered with during the run too. Especially if a stranger jumps on the treadmill next to you and starts running at a speed of 8 while you are only running at a speed of 7.5. A silly game of “I can run faster than this complete stranger who I will never see again while running in place and that makes me the winner” will likely take hold. And I'm sure there are many variations of this competitive mind game that afflicts the majority of runners that transition to the treadmill for the winter.

Fortunately, I’m not one of those runners. I can’t stand the treadmill for many reasons. Mainly because I need to feel the wind on my face and see the landscape change around me as I run. The insatiable desire to explore is too ingrained in my heart to be stationary while running. For my workouts I would rather see the edges of my neighborhood by foot a hundred times rather than watch a TV or blinking screen telling me how many calories I’ve burned. I’m sorry to say that yes, I am that runner you see during winter that will be out there through thick and thin.  The one you think is crazy for going outside “just to run.” But the way I see it, running through the elements is anything but crazy. It’s not just a physical test of the body, but a psychological endeavor too.

A Salt Rose

Running outdoors in the winter can bring about a silence that is rare in our landscape. With blankets of snow and ice settling nature into a dormancy one can truly appreciate the stillness that is absent in our daily lives. Venturing out into the cold takes gusto and a desire to be uncomfortable in order to be comfortable. The body will suffer while the mind will enjoy. This type of thinking might be common amongst addicts, but maybe that way of thinking isn’t always a bad thing. Remember, the natural state of this planet is to be covered in ice and snow. If I was born into another time where the glacial period was in full swing this type of thinking would be perfectly normal. Perspective can change everything.

With another year living in corn country I continue to appreciate my surroundings for what they are. And out here I’ve learned that the wind rules. So by changing perspectives I’ve found another pleasure from winter running. I’ve embraced the wind and its many billowing forms. Choosing to run on days windy enough to warrant a wind advisory (sustained winds 31-39 mph for at least 1 hour; OR any gusts to 46-57 mph) during the winter creates a landscape like no other. The blowing snow and wind drifts illustrate the wind and give it life. You can see the powdery lines take shape and snake their way through the air. The plowed roads make busy intersections for wisps of snow to float from one snow bank to the next. I can run with them or against them. While running into these gusts of snow seems foolish, the literally breath taking view of nature flying through you is hypnotizing. It’s fierce and unforgiving. Leaning into the run is mandatory in order to make progress. The steady flow of wind will challenge you. The most enjoyable moment will be when you change directions. This is when you can reap the benefits of nature and just “go with the wind.” Having 30 mph wind at your back will give you Kenyan speed and force a second wind out of you. The winter wind will make a runner willing to be out feel like a winner.  

But with winter running one must have their wits. First, I don’t go out into these subzero temperatures for hours. I always start my run going into the wind so my sweat doesn't chill me on the way back. I only expose small openings of skin around my ventilation system (mouth & nose). If it’s getting too cold where my breath is forming ice on my sunglasses I’ll take them off so I can see. Layers are planned to be removable if I overheat. I carry water with me to use as a modern day coal miner’s canary; if the water turns to ice quickly it’s a good indicator I’ll need to end my run since I will have nothing to drink if I stay out longer. For icy conditions I will wear foot traction (yaktrax). I also never go out for a run with a goal mileage to get done. Instead I plan on checkpoints of time. If I feel good after a half hour I keep going. If I feel miserable after an hour I’ll take the shortest route home. And lastly, I try to plan my run during the warmest part of the day. If the high is going to be 15 degrees why would you run when it’s 8 degrees?

The Stable aka "15 minutes out"

Taking the right precautions and having an open mind, winter running can be a joy. Although I’m not a huge fan of cold running, I am a fan of running. And I won’t discriminate running based on the temperature of the earth. If I can breathe in it, I’ll run in it. (Air quality is a different story and a different blog.) So get busy out there. Explore and have fun. Wet shoes and wet clothes can dry. But the one thing you should never let dry up is the desire to get out and get moving. Keep running.

2013 in Review

A time to reflect, a time to ponder. 

2013 in review.

All of the year’s happenings rest in our minds. The details that construct our memories may shift in precision over time, but the feelings and emotions we remember will remain unaltered. This year has been one of less success for my trophy case, but one of unprecedented gains for my mental health. I was prepared for the challenges I would face physically while toeing the line at various races throughout the year. I had put my body through the rigors of training for ultras and 2013 was going to be my year in which that training paid off. I had mentally prepared for 9-10 hour runs, I had learned what equipment worked for me, and I had friends and family willing to crew/support me throughout the year. I found the right balance between school, family & friends, and running. Reaching that balance wasn't easy but what told me this schedule between my commitments worked, was a sense of fulfillment on a daily basis. Being able to go to sleep happy and looking forward to the next day was all the reassurance I needed. The risk of over feeding your hobbies and having them negatively affect your life kept me cautious from getting carried away with my passions. Recognizing what drives inspiration can be challenging. That's why creating goals and checking them off can lead to a rewarding existence.

And so, my foray this year into the Midwest Ultra scene was quite an initiation. I signed up for the Ice Age 50 miler in mid-December of last year and by race day morning in May I felt more than ready. That race was once that cemented my desire to venture further into Ultras. I suffered a huge breakdown at mile 42 and quickly came to terms with my predicament. Just as I was accepting my fate of doing the death march for the last 8 miles my body revealed secrets that few experience. I experienced a surge of adrenaline like never before. My aching and sore legs transformed into new fresh legs. I felt like I was witnessing a miracle as I was running 7 minute miles over technical terrain for the last 7 miles of a 50 mile race. The pain and soreness had vanished completely. Not wanting to have the pain return and resume my death march I was compelled to finish the race as fast as possible. The aid station volunteers were shocked and just stared at me with open mouths as I flew by them not stopping for more than the few seconds that it took to refill my water bottle. The runners I blazed by on the course added to my fuel by shouting words of encouragement that bolstered my second wind. I finished that race bewildered and almost in disbelief that my body was capable of such feats. I learned the truism that the human body is able to push itself further than you believe it can. Reaching my limit and pushing beyond it taught me I have what it takes to run these races and beyond. 

Come the summer months I was busy prepping for the 200 mile relay race known as the Ragnar Relay. That race put me in the hot seat responsible for my team of six as captain in charge of many decisions. And many decisions I did have to make! We had an injured runner, wrong directions, and even mistaken food orders to deal with. That weekend was a mix of fun and craziness. It was all over too soon but the memories were captured in a short novel I wrote in the weeks after. This Ultra race taught me that planning is crucial and having backup plans is even more critical.

The Ultra runner team for Ragnar 2013.

Towards the end of June, I ventured into longer bike rides and accomplished some serious mileage, well, at least for a newbie cyclist. I went on a few 30-40 mile bike rides and explored more of the countryside around me. I learned a few things on those rides. First, I can ride a lot further with a pair of padded shorts on. Second, I can reach speeds so fast on a bike that any little bump scares the crap out of me. And lastly, I enjoy singing loudly to pass the time as I ride along the endless stretches of cornfields. I think cycling is enjoyable but also I find it easier to get distracted and let your mind wander. Running can also become monotonous but usually its if you are on a treadmill or running on a track. And since most of my runs are on neither of those surfaces, I seldom become bored enough during my runs to actually start singing random songs. Cycling is still enticing to me and I'll continue to bike the long country roads around me.

My girl Ingrid stopping for a pose.

In early July I managed to return to Devil’s Lake this year to volunteer at the Dances with Dirt race. I had run the 50K race the year before and the marathon route the year before that. It was good to give back this year and still be a part of the race that launched my passion for trail running. I worked one of the aid stations that was known as “road kill” and met quite a few folks who stopped by to wait and cheer for their runner. It surprised me how much information I had to share with them when they had questions about the course or how fast the runners might come through. Knowing that I’ve been a part of this community for only 2 years and already gotten so familiar with this scene let me wonder the future possibilities for me. I could easily see myself becoming an aid station captain or even a race director someday.

Later into July, I put my beautiful road bike away for a weekend and ventured back to the Windy City to participate in the Rock N Roll half marathon. I ran with a few friends dressed in a banana suit and just had fun running and sweating my way through a festive course through downtown Chicago. The best was lounging around in the VIP tent enjoying free refreshments and listening to a live concert in Grant Park. It was thanks to my friend Baker that I was able to run this race with the star treatment.

Silly Bananas running amok in Chicago.

At the end of the month I got jolted back to my senses and returned to the Ultra community at one of the premier events in Ohio known as The Burning River 100. This incredible race is held along the Cuyahoga River stretching from Cleveland to Akron. I arrived in Ohio with my friend in mixed spirits since he was suppose to be running this race but because of an injury he would only be spectating instead. With my pacing duties in limbo and an eager heart, fate found us a new friend that would need both our help. We met a young Devon Olson and quickly warmed up to him and agreed to be his crew and help him finish his first 100 mile race. With our help and his incredible talent he secured a 7^th place finish. I learned so much pacing Devon and would not forget his determination anytime soon. (Full recap BR100)

I had time to run a local 10K (DeKalb Corn Classic) before my goal race in mid September. I was training hard for the 50 mile race in Hell Michigan. This was another Dances with Dirt race that I looked forward to test my body and mind. I finished the 10K feeling hungry and wanting to compete. I placed in my age group and had given about 90% effort. I finished the rest of my training along the trails around Shabonna Lake. I would field questions from fisherman about how many laps I had completed around the 7 mile loop of the lake. Their jaws would drop when I’d let them know I was on my fourth of five laps. All those miles got me into shape and I felt ready for my big race.

Crushing the local 10K in DeKalb IL.

Hell was pure hell. My race was brutal. I suffered the worst stomach issues I’ve ever had at this 50 mile race. Things got better once I vomited and regained a settled stomach. I finished with a modest time (9:57) but still not a perfect race considering that I could have done much better had I not had stomach problems. But I still had a blast and more importantly got to spend a fun weekend with my brother and friends. I learned some lessons from this race and set my sights on to my last goal of the year. (Full recap DWD Hell)

The New York City Marathon was everything I’d hoped it to be, except for one part, my performance. This race was again another tremendous failure of my talents, but a robust event that left me every bit content as if I had won the race. I suffered severe cramps and finished just under four hours and almost an hour longer than I had planned for. The crowds and energy from the course left me without any regret and completely fulfilled. I may have performed terribly but the experience was just as sweet. The level of pain I went through dealing with incapacitated cramping muscles again broke a threshold I had never felt before. Surrounded by good friends I was able to look beyond finish times and simple enjoy the moment. (Full recap NYC Marathon)

Finishing the greatest marathon in the world.

That seems to have been a reoccurring theme this year. It seems I picked up this lesson early at the Ice Age 50. Once things go bad you must accept that feeling and just make the best of it. I went through this same pattern throughout the year. I had high goals set for myself and I didn’t reach many of them. But what I had accomplished was more than I could have wished for. Sure I finished all of my races without any DNFs and I also finished the year without any injuries. But the greatest accomplishment was that I finished searching for my competitive spirit. I found it along the trails throughout the Midwest. I had learned how to ignite my competitive juices not just to beat certain times or earn a podium finish, but to push myself harder and discover my real capacity at these races. I’ll always race smart and avoid running to complete failure, but without that spark I discovered this year I would have never pushed myself enough to discover some incredible gifts that my body taught me. Reaching that edge in our minds and venturing past it is like an awakening that cannot be described but merely experienced. Had I continued to race in a lackadaisical manner I likely wouldn’t have found the mystical energy that pushes you with overwhelming power to finish the last mile... or 10.

So what does 2014 hold for me? I won't do much racing this next year. I will still run but explore more trails around me. I will likely volunteer more and make an appearance at the Chicago Marathon too. But I’m pretty set on venturing further into the Ultra circuit. I was looking forward to finishing my first 100 mile race at Western States this year but I wasn’t picked for the lottery. So I'll have to wait another year to see if I can set my sights on that race in 2015. There are plenty of other races and have my mind set on a few already. I have a few friends doing their first Ultras and will eagerly be following their progress. Having some good friends enter the Ultra community is exciting. I’m happy to introduce them to some of the other amazing friends I’ve made in the Ultra community. The people that make this sport happen are some of the most genuine and happiest people I’ve ever met. The saying that goes, “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life,” is exactly what these Ultra runners embody. Unfortunately our love and passion won’t pay the bills, but those miles and hours spent running fill our hearts and minds with all the riches we need.

Also, for next year there is an opportunity for me to spend the summer in Wyoming and run on some real mountains. That thought alone has me tremendously excited. As for my goals, I will definitely try for a new distance this year. I’ll likely run a 100K or maybe a certain 70 miler in Pennsylvania that also happens to be a Western States qualifier. There is also a fun trail relay in Michigan that I would love to run. Whatever happens this next year, you can expect more blog posts with some insight and wisdom that I’ll undoubtedly find along the trails.